Be the change you wish to see

I could never get on board with that often used quote in the world! Would others actually see the change and follow? In business, work, home, in love, in family, in friendship?

How could it be that easy? We aren’t all leaders, because we work with them, we aren’t all happy or depressed because a friend is of self centered because a spouse is or a selfless volunteer because our aunt is.

No! It’s not about being what someone is at all!!

After my thankfulness post and seeing what I appreciate in others and a simple conversation (a real phone call not text or email), with a friend today, I realized being the change we wish to see is about yourself. How do we know who is looking, observing and learning from us at any given moment? Who is relying on us for friendship, advice, an example, or a child even who will subconsciously develop habits they developed from us?
When we want a job, we sing only our own best praises in print and verbally.
When we date, we put our best face forward.
When we preach to our children about behaving in school, studying for tests, playing sports, we give our best advice.
To babies we smile and talk in sweet voices!
To the elderly loves ones, we listen to their wisdom and tell our best stories, and even give our best appreciation in fear this may be the last time we we or interact with them in such a great way.

Why then do we not do this daily in all situations? Give our best? Be the change we wish to see?

If you see yourself as an innocent house wife, struggling in marriage, begging to be seen as that, while you argue and fight with your spouse about how they should see you or treat you or why they are doing or not doing right… Be just that. The change you wish to see. The good parent, spouse, housewife/husband, great lover, someone who has patience or family as a priority! If that is what you seek!

If you seek your children to get outside and play, rather than spend so much time on video games or texting, then GET OUTSIDE AND PLAY, if they refuse, do it anyway. You have nothing to lose, only much to gain, by being the change you wish to see.

If you wish to be appreciated more, appreciate others more.

If you wish to be seen as a fit, active person, be fit and active.
As a good parent, as a reader, as an intellect, as a good listener, then be it.

We can truly only change ourselves, we can be the change we wish to see in ourselves and others, no one has to follow our lead. I guarantee you they will at least notice our change and the change we wish to see, whether or not we wished it in them/ourselves or this world!!!

Random acts of thankfulness-coffee and cookies

While on a break physically from interaction with a negative, but permanent fixture in my life, (if not for phone, texts and email halfway across the country, I’d be able to say complete absence from, rather than a break) I realized something, that I had temporarily forgotten about all the very wonderful people and things in my life, due to being focused on the many things that my new marriage partner has brought into my life!!

In the midst of trying to grow, heal and fix my partnership with someone that appreciates only money and his image, I’d completely lost focus on being appreciative of those that have provided me positive experiences, support, kindness and selflessness!

So, last night I baked! I shared the wonderful Butterscotch, peanut butter, oatmeal cookies with my family, and packaged some for my husbands small work team and additionally made four quart sized bags of cookies to give thanks to people who have been on my mind and in my heart all year, and most recently or in the past have shared themselves with me, when I needed it most

So, it occurred to me that sometimes a gift is not really appreciated, if it is not something sought after or it hinders one in some way. This realization sparked me to buy a few coffee gift cards for those who maybe don’t want, need or like cookies/sweets for whatever reason. My goal was to be

Thankful and give back

In no particular priority order, I shipped boxes to some and dropped locally to others… Two even anonymously!!!!

1. My sorority big sister, who sent baby gifts for my most recent born, even though I have not seen her in years, along with a card proclaiming her happiness that my husband and I found each other! A woman who always gave me her all and who is loving and kind and strong and smart and admirable and sweet. I have owed her a thank you note for 6 months!!

2. My little sister who has been my rock, forcing me out of my isolation and back into her life and into celebrating happy times for family members, despite my husbands rejections to let me leave him with babies or go out while he is home. (evenings/weekends)

3. A friend of 17 years that welcomed me with open arms to being a stay at home mom, late in the game after I had my third baby and had worked full time for 14 years! Whom had me for coffee monthly and talked me through having three children. Who listens and helps and gives her heart and also bags and bags of girl hand me downs!!!

4. A neighbor couple whose daughter is my daughters most adored friend and who are open minded, helpful without being asked, kind and have invited us into their life and family and friend events many times! Also, they have welcomed me to a neighborhood where my husband was a regular boater, partier and bachelor for years before I moved on!

5. A neighbor, children’s author, exercise instructor and mother! Enough said, sweet, spunky, friendly and real about life, parenting and marriage. Non judgmental, just open and fun and giving!

Pass it on! Focus on the people who bring you up, who make you smile, who deserve appreciation and acknowledgment for their efforts small and large!

Devil’s night!

My oldest son got off the bus and we planned to wait for my husband to come home from work and head to a local cider mill to get a pumpkin and donuts and cider, instead of dinner, or maybe have an additional healthy snack with it…. A special and fun treat! Not to mention, the tradition of carving a pumpkin together and lighting it up on devil’s night and Halloween for trick or treaters.

A little past 5, the kids are getting anxious, and I know that darkness is going to fall soon and my two year old isn’t going to last too late.

I send a message inquiring to his locale and ETA, and receive a response that he is at the local bar. That he hasn’t eaten dinner and we could come up there, since he is already there. Knowing a pattern that’s been happening for awhile of meeting friends at 3:30 or 4:00 and telling me he met them at 5:30 or 6:00, I realize that we would be greeted by 1 or many buzzed men at bar stools and would be transferring them to a booth and going into family mode.

My old self would have done 1 of 2 thing in this situation…..

1. Let this become a huge problem, texting my disappointment, calling him to talk about it, asking him to come home now

OR

2. Accepted the invitation for packing the kids up for dinner at the local bar/restaurant and changed the cider mill plan, picked up a pumpkin at a grocery store… AND later reveled in my personal disappointment of the evening and in myself for succumbing to his selfishness and setting aside what was right and already planned.

 

My choice…

A friend just happened to call me while I was in midst of making the turn out of my driveway, LEFT for the Cider Mill, RIGHT for the restaurant. I got some courage and turned LEFT!!!

The result….

A fabulous fun time, a surprise outdoor play structure, cider, donuts, bought 1 of the last 2 pumpkins and took some great photos and had some laughs! This was followed by a small pizza dinner at home and pumpkin carving!

His choice…
Stay at the bar stool, respond negativity to the happy photo of his daughter playing, as if we had left him out of the fall time fun. (Several weeks ago he said he wanted to do something w the kids for fall, but every chance to do this, he is busy, “making money” on a Sunday or drinking or something else). Lay on the floor and watch TV, sighs and comments about kids being loud activities still happening at 8:30, rather than participating in the pumpkin carving, bed time prep for kids, clean up, etc..

My choice…

Be positive, do not take his lack of participation as a personal insult, keep my plan, spend quality time with my kids. Remain upbeat and focused on my goal of a good evening, do not bring up his lack of participation in any of the evenings activities!

The outcome…

Fabulous! See photos! 

No devil can bring me or my kids down!!!