Priorities-lights and sparkles

Well, I’ve been away awhile and realize that I’ve fallen off the path of my goal… What was that again? Happiness?

Oh yeah! Happiness!

Today, I just picked up a magazine that said, Stress less…Smile more, is that the answer? Actually, page 66 said the answer was Yoga, mindfulness and meditation! Making that a priority in your life again.

Monday, I was told that my priority of having lunch with my children and setting up a Christmas tree, was wrong! who helped me move a tree from the store to my home and set it up, decorate and clean up, as a surprise for my family and to save from using our weekend morning to do this, AND save my working spouse the physical and time trouble, was to some a messed up priority and time I should’ve spent on organizing something, or working in the home, as I was on the clock at my job as a stay at home mom.
Did I mention that I nursed my baby boy while I ate my late breakfast with one hand in between feeding my toddler daughter with the other hand?

Ahhh, the gorgeous, beautiful tree is mesmerizing to my children and has brought Christmas to our home! The bin of hand me downs in the garage can wait!

Lights and sparkles and and a Christmas star brighten our home and make us smile.

Well, most of us….

Priorities are determined and ordered by many in many ways, but given precedence and carried out only by ourselves.

Chosen wisely, even small actions prioritized highly, can make big memories!!

And maybe I’ll get to that yoga tomorrow! Or maybe I’ll meditate staring at some red glittery bulbs and SMILE!

Be the change you wish to see

I could never get on board with that often used quote in the world! Would others actually see the change and follow? In business, work, home, in love, in family, in friendship?

How could it be that easy? We aren’t all leaders, because we work with them, we aren’t all happy or depressed because a friend is of self centered because a spouse is or a selfless volunteer because our aunt is.

No! It’s not about being what someone is at all!!

After my thankfulness post and seeing what I appreciate in others and a simple conversation (a real phone call not text or email), with a friend today, I realized being the change we wish to see is about yourself. How do we know who is looking, observing and learning from us at any given moment? Who is relying on us for friendship, advice, an example, or a child even who will subconsciously develop habits they developed from us?
When we want a job, we sing only our own best praises in print and verbally.
When we date, we put our best face forward.
When we preach to our children about behaving in school, studying for tests, playing sports, we give our best advice.
To babies we smile and talk in sweet voices!
To the elderly loves ones, we listen to their wisdom and tell our best stories, and even give our best appreciation in fear this may be the last time we we or interact with them in such a great way.

Why then do we not do this daily in all situations? Give our best? Be the change we wish to see?

If you see yourself as an innocent house wife, struggling in marriage, begging to be seen as that, while you argue and fight with your spouse about how they should see you or treat you or why they are doing or not doing right… Be just that. The change you wish to see. The good parent, spouse, housewife/husband, great lover, someone who has patience or family as a priority! If that is what you seek!

If you seek your children to get outside and play, rather than spend so much time on video games or texting, then GET OUTSIDE AND PLAY, if they refuse, do it anyway. You have nothing to lose, only much to gain, by being the change you wish to see.

If you wish to be appreciated more, appreciate others more.

If you wish to be seen as a fit, active person, be fit and active.
As a good parent, as a reader, as an intellect, as a good listener, then be it.

We can truly only change ourselves, we can be the change we wish to see in ourselves and others, no one has to follow our lead. I guarantee you they will at least notice our change and the change we wish to see, whether or not we wished it in them/ourselves or this world!!!

Random acts of thankfulness-coffee and cookies

While on a break physically from interaction with a negative, but permanent fixture in my life, (if not for phone, texts and email halfway across the country, I’d be able to say complete absence from, rather than a break) I realized something, that I had temporarily forgotten about all the very wonderful people and things in my life, due to being focused on the many things that my new marriage partner has brought into my life!!

In the midst of trying to grow, heal and fix my partnership with someone that appreciates only money and his image, I’d completely lost focus on being appreciative of those that have provided me positive experiences, support, kindness and selflessness!

So, last night I baked! I shared the wonderful Butterscotch, peanut butter, oatmeal cookies with my family, and packaged some for my husbands small work team and additionally made four quart sized bags of cookies to give thanks to people who have been on my mind and in my heart all year, and most recently or in the past have shared themselves with me, when I needed it most

So, it occurred to me that sometimes a gift is not really appreciated, if it is not something sought after or it hinders one in some way. This realization sparked me to buy a few coffee gift cards for those who maybe don’t want, need or like cookies/sweets for whatever reason. My goal was to be

Thankful and give back

In no particular priority order, I shipped boxes to some and dropped locally to others… Two even anonymously!!!!

1. My sorority big sister, who sent baby gifts for my most recent born, even though I have not seen her in years, along with a card proclaiming her happiness that my husband and I found each other! A woman who always gave me her all and who is loving and kind and strong and smart and admirable and sweet. I have owed her a thank you note for 6 months!!

2. My little sister who has been my rock, forcing me out of my isolation and back into her life and into celebrating happy times for family members, despite my husbands rejections to let me leave him with babies or go out while he is home. (evenings/weekends)

3. A friend of 17 years that welcomed me with open arms to being a stay at home mom, late in the game after I had my third baby and had worked full time for 14 years! Whom had me for coffee monthly and talked me through having three children. Who listens and helps and gives her heart and also bags and bags of girl hand me downs!!!

4. A neighbor couple whose daughter is my daughters most adored friend and who are open minded, helpful without being asked, kind and have invited us into their life and family and friend events many times! Also, they have welcomed me to a neighborhood where my husband was a regular boater, partier and bachelor for years before I moved on!

5. A neighbor, children’s author, exercise instructor and mother! Enough said, sweet, spunky, friendly and real about life, parenting and marriage. Non judgmental, just open and fun and giving!

Pass it on! Focus on the people who bring you up, who make you smile, who deserve appreciation and acknowledgment for their efforts small and large!

If you have nothing nice to say….

If you tell someone, then you have to do it… so here goes…

everything!

I am deeming today the first day of the rest of my life.

I am using this blog as an anonymous way to document my journey. The ride I will take to experience, both giving and receiving support, pleasure, laughter and love in life!!

It’s only 11:00 AM and I have nursed a baby, three times, worked for two different clients, fed a toddler breakfast, put her in her choice ballerina outfit and am writing a post.

So, there, I said it. I’m changing/upgrading/living the best life I can and only the best will do. I am pushing forward and only taking those with me who get on board with my new plan. Live life each day, the best way we can. For ourselves, for our children, sisters, brothers, spouses, parents, our passions, our health!

For my entire life, I have put myself last, accepting abandonment and emotional abuse from parents, friends, spouses and bosses. Today is the day that I have healed and am done accepting anything but the best!

Please join me in this. Anyone that needs a friend, blog or little nudge to get on the right track again and life the best life that they can and dig out of a hole of loneliness, sadness, mistreatment, disappointment or hurt and get on the path to happiness, love, kindness and living a fabulous life, EVERY DAY!

Well, I did it. I made it through the day, begun and ended it the best way I could.

One unnamed person in my life has a knack for pointing out the negative things or lack of perfection in me, often and usually upon immediate interaction with me, while often referring to themselves as a ninja, stating they could ‘raise the bar’, even in situations where they have little or no experience or education. Additionally, discounting anything that they ever do wrong, lacking apology or remorse in most situations where they have hurt or wronged others. When approached with a concern or topic in which they are addressed for collaboration or improvement or help on their part, calling this type of communication “criticism” and discounting any credibility to the discussion or need for attention or their participation in improvement.

Yesterday, upon seeing this person, I was told of opinions of me and the state of my vehicle (which had toys and coats and some things for retail return in it), as having “garbage” in it and being a mess, etc…in other snide comments throughout the evening, comments how they are organized and I am not, even convincing me that I had lost something, despite my statements that I had never removed it from my home, to further prove their point, continued on about it, when it was actually located later that evening in a perfectly normal place, nothing was said, just silence and ignorance, as if the conversations and elevations of voice and character attacks never occurred.

This morning as I entered my car, I couldn’t help but immediately remember this negative interaction, and looked around. There was no “garbage”, It had actually just been vacuumed, yes there was some clutter, but no dirt or garbage at all. Mind you, this is a 7 seater, large vehicle!

Usually, I would have felt bad about myself and immediately rectified the perceived problem to appease the spewer of insults and make myself feel better as the insulted.

For the first time in my life, I realized that the problem was not me or the car, it was the person’s pleasure and ability in making me feel small or not as good as they see themselves. Throughout my life I have spent much time around people like this and endless hours and years chasing their approval and affection.

After these thoughts, I sent a message defending the state of my car, but more importantly, myself. Asserting that the next time I see this person, I would appreciate them keeping their negativity and insults to themselves and if they have nothing nice to say, say nothing to me, please.

We all have control over how we allow others to treat us, our reactions to this and how they make us feel!!!! Until today, I hadn’t been able to accept these statements.

I had a miraculous evening, enjoying every moment with my children, cooking, playing, feeding them, talking with them, reveling in the moment with them and not worrying about the perceptions of the person who’d just 1 day ago felt it necessary to focus on and verbally attack what they see as wrong in me or my actions, instead of appreciating or acknowledging openly, the great person that I am and things I did yesterday or any other day of my life.

My thoughts, reactions, feeling and assertiveness were controlled my me today. No one else. I drove the car today. I was not a passenger!